The struggle, its becoming ours.
Not just mine, or just yours, ours.
I love you, & want to believe I’m loved back.
It’s just that even if I wasn’t, I know my feelings would remain unchanged.
Maybe that’s my problem, blindly loving you.
Not just wanting you, but needing you.
Needing you to make me feel a way that you’re just not capable of.
So why?
Am I here, why?
Can’t I leave?
Why, would I hate to be anywhere else?
What is it about you that makes me do this to myself?
It’s not you, its your capability, you’re unrealistic potential.
The few hours I feel like I’m your everything are being ran with.
I’m running away with the possibility of you.
I refuse to let it go, hoping one day you’ll refuse to let me down.
Our foundation is weak.
Our love could be strong, but then it would have to be real.
Every other day I question it.
Don’t want to, but I do.
& there’s no comforting answers, so I pretend there’s no question at all.
Temporary happiness, occasional tears, & filled ashtrays.
We’re good at fooling ourselves, but can’t hide our truths from one another.
I’m sorry that you’re another man that couldn’t love me the right way.
I’m just another girl that still doesn’t know what love is.
March 2011
19 posts
You never failed to paint a flawless picture of the most beautiful place I’ve ever been. You used to do this thing, and I’ve attempted to replicate it since you’ve been gone, but much to no avail.
In the midst of what you deemed “breaking me in,” between rapid, shallow breaths in the…
“Love makes you do crazy things.”
…but what are ‘crazy’ things. Taking chances? Marrying someone? Trying things you never would have before?
Or maybe staying somewhere you never see leading anywhere successful in your realistic future? I mean that’s crazy right? …but does that make it love?
I guess it all depends in what kind of extent crazy ‘love’ is limited to go to.
Ugh.
He’s a player not yet ready to behave mature,
A man who makes a child, still not able to see his future.
He’s good in deceiving.
He’s good for love torture.
Inspite of my contemplation,
I still can’t get him captured.
A man I thought is just like,
Someone I could give myself to completely…no.
It’s so painful to accept the fact that he’s rejected me,
I’ve done so many things to make me believe life is possible without him.
Still I always console myself,
& I see the symptoms of my love, for him, on my skin…
They say the longer you smoke, the harder it is to quit when you actually build up the will power to do it. So here I am, smoking another stick, & wrongfully loving you, wondering…wondering if what they say applies to us as well.
If I let this go on any longer than it needs to, will it only get harder to end it? It hasn’t been that long, but its already seeming impossible to call it quits. Not for you though, if I myself was the bad habit you’d easily be able to kick it. You’re so strong. I admire it. I admire how easy it is for you to say to me, everything I can’t say to you. Especially because you’re the one that needs to hear it.
I’m stuck. It’s disgusting. I’ve never been so unhappy.
I love you.
