This morning was certainly a reminder of the fact that working for people fucking sucks. The way that people in charge always talk down to me is not ok.
It’s like they’re intentionally disrespecting you, because they know that you’re not going to get testy with them back…because you need the job to pay your bills. & I hate it. I wanted to sock my boss in the fucking face this morning, & couldn’t. All I could say was, “I understand.” I almost started crying. Like, tears of fucking anger, it wasn’t on no bitch shit.
So I’ve come to the conclusion that all people in all levels of power that act like snooty cunts, were at one point in time picked on & treated like shit by their peers…& employing me is obviously their way of getting back at society.
No work tomorrow because of class, which is a good thing because I probably would’ve ended up Columbine-ing that bitch… but I’m going in Thursday all day, so we will see.
Tears of joy, because finally a love that was lost, is closed. I don’t understand how some people can remain good friends after a break-up…but I don’t hate him anymore. & as he laid next to me in my bed last night, all I could think about was how hot it was with two people in my small ass apartment. He was boring. I found little interest in the things he had to say. I didn’t feel the need to tell him I loved him, because I felt like I didn’t. The only thing I felt necessary to say afterwards was that I was sorry for being so stand-offish…I just didn’t want him to think I thought it was anymore than what it really was, like I tended to do in the past. Being around him was awkward, the sex was amazing, but I felt no emotional attachment. If there was any emotion that was felt it was nausea, from feeling like there was nothing really to say. His company was enjoyed, but it was not missed. There was no urge to stop him from leaving this morning, I felt more complete when he was gone.
I am over him, & his penis….but I don’t mind it ever so often. I want him to know how good I’m doing….how alright I am without him. I’m not angry at him, but I might be spiteful. I still wish him the best.
It feels good to know that I would never go back to him in that kind of way.
“Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you’d follow them straight into hell, just to keep getting your fix.”
I’ve never been so fucking intrigued by someone who has made it blatantly clear that they will not involve their self with me. I can just tell that he is so fucking intelligent, we would probably have the most stimulating arguments. He’s attracted to me & everything, why can’t I be 14 years older :( & I have a gut feeling that he is very well endowed, I just KNOOOOWWWWWW it.
I respect everything he said. Shits hard, shits real. & I’m just going to be persistent. He’s going to want it soon enough, & I’m going to give it. All of it. Yes.
Back to studying.
I really want to do something different with my hair. Base color dark black, with some kind of golden tints running through it. Pressed out. Ends, snipped. Just a thought.